That was Then...

Chapter 1: Why Did I Wait So Long?

When He told me He loved me, I turned Him away,
Because my heart was held captive by lies and decay.
No comfort, no joy in the world I embraced;
The facade of a dream, I continued to chase.
My spirit was bound, and my soul became weak;
yet selfish ambition I continued to seek.
Soon my heart became hollow, my eyes became wide;
The spirit once in me was no longer inside.
Consumed by my flesh and the pretension of fame;
I lost sight of the truth and had forgotten His name.
I was living life empty; fueled by my own power and strength;
The poison of Sheol was the cup that I drank.
I continued to run, but just running in place. Taking me nowhere, and going with haste......

Chapter 2: The Dismal

...Soon the sun set and the dismal crept in,
with the fragrance of lust and the shackles of sin.
It slowly crept up like the black shadow of light;
ensnaring my thoughts and blurring my sight.
"What is this?!" I cried. "I can't see, I can't see!"
How can this nothing have control over me?
Anxiety struck and I was bound by this fear.
The grim had abounded and I was struck by his spear.
It called out my name in a calm whispering voice,
"this is who you are now, you do not have a choice.
You see I have robed you with the garment of pride,
Now to me you belong, and in me you will confide.
Do not take this lightly, the contract has been signed.
For you I have contested; It was me who made you blind.
I opened your eyes to the world you so craved.
And you eagerly followed the path that I paved.
You've been pierced by my spear that runs deep to your soul.
You forfeit your free will, And now I have control!"....




Chapter 3: Beautiful Humility

Clenched by this death, by this sorrowful pain.
Too far to look back and too much to regain.
Oh so close I had come to relenting to this thief.
Who intended to rob me of my one true belief.
"Wait!" I replied, as I became aware.
"There is a King whom I belong to, to whom which I am an heir.
And though It's been some time, I vaguely do recall,
His love, unconditioned, even knowing I would fall."
"Yes!" I screamed out, "and you're a deceiver with your lies!
How can I be so foolish not to notice your demise."
Scaled in sin, I know now it was me!
I am the one who hung that Man on the tree.
For me He was tortured, whipped and was killed.
My name on His heart, His destiny fulfilled.
"Oh Lord!" I cried out, "I remember now I see>

OH HOW WRETCHED I AM,...HOW WRETCHED I AM...
How wretched I am to not have turned to you but flee.

Abba, forgive me. According to your loving kindness and Grace,
You are most righteous, whom no one can replace.
I need you so desperately; I am weak and seem lost.
I cry out to your mercy, to the One who paid the cost.
On my knees I had fallen, trembling with grief and great shame;
again I cried out to Him, "I know you are the same!
"Your love, it never changes; from the beginning to the end.
To your Word you hold true, it is the weak you shall defend
.Weeping in anguish; my faith would not yield,
I would not give up hope, until His Grace was revealed...

Chapter 4: Under My Feet!

Deep and more deep the mire slyly depressed with an overwhelming aggression that would not cease to oppress.
Steadfast I remained in my prayer to the Lord...I refused to submit to the adversary's hoard.
With all that I had, the only evidence was unseen. Though frail, I stood firm and declared the victory of my King!
Alas! This grip broke! My soul of bondage's- relieved. With great anger and defeat the enemy had no choice but to flee!
Weakened and pressed, my hope was in just one; my Savior, my Rock, my Refuge, God's Son.
My soul waited quietly, as my heart slowly repaired. My spirit awakened quickly; Of His presence I was made aware.
Little time was permitted for His time is not mine own. This query I inquired- why was this seed in my spirit sown?
I was salvaged as a sinner, unclean, now made new. Who am I to receive such mercy? Lord, I am unworthy of you.
A voice answered softly... His glory- manifest. "There is a fire that burns within thee. You now have the vision to finish the quest.
For you have sought me endearingly, my Word says, "Seek and you shall find." My child I have known you always, even before there was time.
I have endured with you your struggles, and carried you through the storm. I loved you when you were lost, and healed you when you were torn.
Listen to me closely...you were created for such a time as this. I have called you to love those as I have; even those who will resist.
Be strong now my child, for your journey has just begun. Abide in Me and My Spirit, and your trials you will overcome.
Speak to those who are broken; just as you were when you came to Me. You have suffered this hardship for a reason: My child...this is now your testimony.